Fake degrees should not be such a big issue. After all, I too have a fake degree. It says so on my C.V. I have an MBA degree(GPA 3.9) from the University of Chichawatni, Punjab. The fact that Chichawatni has no university is beside the point. Even the senior most official of Chichawatni district, the Deputy Commissioner, is not aware what an MBA degree is all about.
In early 1989, with the advent of the Benazir government, they were pushing for jobs for thousands of their supporters. I was in NDFC. One young man, referred by the PM's office, was undergoing interviews. He was quite sharp. I interviewed him, then the H.R. committee. In the final interview, one on one, I said "Look, you are good material. But I cannot offer you Grade I, because you do not have an MBA degree. You will have to settle for Grade II". The young man replied, "Sir, if that is the only problem, give me a week. I shall come back with an MBA degree". And so he did, and got the job.
Donald Trump claims he is a victim of Fake News. Actually, he started the whole thing. In his inaugural address, in front of an audience of 2 billion, he stated "America First - It will always be America First". Actually, it has been "Trump Family and Business Interests FIRST". Hence the start of Fake News. But actually the problem is solvable. The Press Corps of America are a pliable lot. Trump should gift an apartment in his newest building to the 10 or 12 major networks. This should keep them quiet till Oct 2020. Closer to election time he should bring his "Miss Universe" Franchise into play. He will win the 2020 elections hands down. If Asif Zardari wishes to curry favor with that administration, he should contribute supermodel Ayan Ali (why are all models called Supermodels - we will have to get Superman's input on this).
Actually, 'Fake' started with women, going back to the descendants of Eve. The Beauty Business is rife with "Fake". The Beautiful woman is that who, when she rinses her face in the morning, and looks in the mirror, if the image is beautiful, so is she. Later in the day any woman can look beautiful - thanks to L'Oreal, Maybelline, Estee Lauder, Shiseido etc. The Beauty Business is based on Make Belief. And it is the most profitable business in the world. According to the latest list of the world's billionaires, Bernard Arnault, of LVMH (Louis Vuitton) is worth US$ 72 billion. Francoise Bettencourt of L'Oreal, US$ 42.2 billion. Francois Pinault is worth US$ 27 billion. So, with due deference, many women turn to 'Fake' to look good (in my view a good thing) from the hair to the toe nails.
International boxing has a mixture of Fake and Real. When Mohammad Ali was throwing a jab, he would fake. The second greatest Heavyweight fight was in Kinshasa, Zaire in 1973. Mohd. Ali squared off against George Foreman, the most formidable hitter of the day. Bookies gave Ali 8:2. In the 7th round Ali went rope-a-dope. He lay on the ropes like he was finished. Foreman exhausted himself by punching away. Then suddenly M. Ali came alive and moved like greased lightning and landed a left and right on Foreman's chin. Foreman was down and out. Ali won. At 33 years. The rope-a-dope was a fake. David Frost the British broadcaster went berserk. He had bet heavily on Foreman.
Doctors with fake degrees are not a good thing. Former Chief Justice Saqib Nisar took 'suo motu' on this. But people in the emerging world die all the time, being operated on by Quacks. In mid 1960's the Governor of West Pakistan (one unit at that time) wished to have his pension commuted. For this he had to appear before a panel of three doctors at the Services Hospital, Lahore. It was well known to the three doctors that the Governor was a diabetic. The Governor had one of his menials of the Governor's staff pass urine and sent it to the Services Hospital for examination. The Doctors refused and insisted that the Governor appear personally at the hospital. Eventually, the Governor did. The Medico-legal officers of various hospitals are multimillionaires. They can issue any sort of certificate, which can get you a comfortable hospital room for many years. Even beautiful call girls, dressed up as nurses can spend the night with the patients.
In 2002, the Management Association was conducting a seminar. Razzak Dawood, in a similar position to his current assignment, was the chief guest. During his presentation Dawood stated that the biggest problem in Punjab was the Boiler Inspectors. They never carried out an inspection, but always issued "up-to-date" certificates. For a big premium. On conclusion of the seminar, I enquired from Dawood if I could give up my job as Chief of MAP, and become a Boiler Inspector in Punjab. Dawood responded that I was not suitably qualified.
(The writer is the former Executive Director of the Management Association of Pakistan)
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