PARTLY FACETIOUS: IK’s letter to Alvi

“Decadent Western capitalist.”

“Excuse me?”

“They never give gifts to our heads of government while the Arabs, God bless their souls, give with an open heart.”

“Open heart really! I had heard of open heart surgery but…”

“See you are the child of the internet, I am not, we used to write long letters – official one’s had to be typed so we gave money to the typists while unofficial one’s were written by hand…”

“Oh? The Khan wrote a long letter to President Alvi a few days ago, the only man who will open it, read it, ruffle his feathers only to realize his office was defeathered long before he was appointed.”

“Interesting and this in spite of the fact that The Khan reigns supreme over the social media in Pakistan.”

“He should have sent a letter to Chief Minister Punjab of Gujrat? I mean the guy is resisting…”

“What happens in Gujrat stays in Gujrat.”

“I don’t get you.”

“OK let’s just say Punjab must remain in the hands of The Khan and come The Khan’s majority in the next elections the Father and Son team are going to be sent packing to Gujarat.”

“Anyway going back to official documents needing to be typed I would have thought an affidavit is official, so why did Dar write it out by hand – and it was 42 pages long so not short…”

“At the time Dar did not have access to a typist.”

“But surely the then power source Musharraf would have provided him with one if he had asked!”

“I guess even Musharraf didn’t know Dar would go into such details – I mean Dar is a detail man…”

“Ha ha, indeed details whichever way he tilts, hunh?”

“Right but the FIR is also an official document and it is rarely if ever typed.”

“The senior police officers are so engaged in deflecting blows launched by the government or the opposition that they simply have not been able to buy the typewriters or computers that are required.”

“Yes so where does Western decadent capitalism come in, I mean you did start off with it…”

“Oh right the CNN anchor going where we local journalists fear to tread.”

“I know instances where foreign journalists have feared to tread in their home countries, remember the Blairites throwing accusations of partiality against the BBC, remember Trump’s views of US channels except one, so if it’s OK for them why isn’t it OK for The Khan and The Small Three and I am not referring to the Three Stooges.”

“OK I grant you that but then our leaders reckon that they can do unto foreign anchors what they can do unto our domestic ones i.e. convince them of the rightness of their cause.”

“My question how dare she ask for evidence – background is more than enough here – my social, economic, political and what have you is more than enough to get me what I want.”

“That’s elite capture…”

“You can call it elite capture, you can call it the popularity graph, you can call it the ground realities, whatever the fact is that it is what it is.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022