KARACHI CHRONICLE: Do-it-yourself

So! The price of petrol and diesel is raised. Hasn't anyone in the government, the bureaucracy and especially the Oil and Gas Regulatory Authority (Ogra) realised that raising the price of petrol and diesel always, always, always leads to inflation across the board? The labour class will be happy. It always leads to demand for higher wages. The affluent class will grumble. We in the middle-class alone will feel the pinch.
Why don't we protest? Because we have no voice. Is their a solution to our financial problems? Yes. Join the labour class or at least learn to do some of the things they do for you, such as learn to repair the loose electric-bulb socket, paint the walls of your home, repair the leaky tap yourself, sew you own clothes. Eat less, breath less, prepare to meet your Maker.
My house needs painting, but the house painter demanded a king's ransom. That was before the recent week and the rise in price of petrol and diesel. Now he will want an emperor's ransom. Unable to afford either ransom, I have decided I shall paint the house myself. Can I in my old age do it? I might die trying, literally, since I am not conditioned to hard labour.
For starters, I am psychologically preparing for the ordeal. I tell myself: Do you remember that old woman in London who lived across your sister's house? She was the age you are now and there she was standing on a step ladder painting her walls. I felt sorry for her. I told my sister I would go over and offer to help the old English woman. My sister was alarmed. I was forbidden to help. The old lady does not like us brownfolk to come to her doorstep. The English are anyway used to painting the walls no matter what age they are, so do not feel sorry for not helping.
If that old woman could do it, I can do it (although I would welcome some free help). In this way I have psyched up myself for the challenge. If I succeed, and do not fall off the stepladder, I shall tackle that leaky tap in the bathroom.
The paintshop was an inspiration. They had so many kinds of things which would make it easy for me to paint the house myself. There were rollers on long rods. You dip the roller in a paint tray and just roll it over the wall and, presto! The wall is painted. There are gadgets for spray-painting, similar to the tin of spraypaint you use to paint graffiti on the street walls, but the size of huge buckets with a motorised dispencer of the paint through a nozzle or pipe. There are, of course, brushes and paints. The brushes have easy to clean nylon bristles; there are a variety of synthetic acrylic water-base paints and fast drying enamel paints for doors and windows. All these products and gadgets were at first imported, but when demand for them shot up local versions have appeared. These things were invented in the developed countries where the cost of hiring a house painter is enormous and most people do it themselves.
The paintshop man, however, smiled indulgently when I said I was going to paint my house myself. He said I would have to learn to use these gadgets first. He said it in a way as if I would need a college degree to qualify as a house painter. It seems these do-it-yourself things are not purchased by people who want to do it themselves. They are used by the painters who charge a hefty fee for painting your house.
When he saw I was determined to do it myself, he put out a small tin of enamel paint, a two-inch nylon bristle paintbrush, a small bottle of thinner, a packet of cotton waste and gently suggested I first use these on a small project before tackling a major job. The son-of-a-gun. He knew I would fail.
I decided to paint a four-tier metal stand for flower pots. I did not know how much thinner to add to the paint. I did not know how to load paint on the brush. I forgot to put newspaper on the floor beneath the flower stand. I ended up with more paint on my spectacles, fingers, arms hair, the balcony floor of course, (spilled half the paint), and ended up by having more paint everywhere than on the flower stand. But I did it. The stand looks neat and pretty with a yellow coat of fresh paint, at least in my eyes.
But I did not think it was a success. I was conscious my ignorance and lack of skill would stand in my way when, and if, I began to paint the house walls. As time goes on, and inflation strangles us more and more, the only way to survive is to do most of the chores yourself. What we need is to be taught. This could well be a good idea for a new kind television programme. It is no use reading instruction books on how to paint, or do any other type of household chore. You need demonstration. If the TV can have cooking programmes, why can it not have programmes which teach you how to paint, fix the faucet, electric socket. HELP!