PARTLY FACETIOUS: The role of a rating agency

“I have opened a rating agency.”

“Ah from a nobody to a somebody.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well as a rating agency you will be wooed by the government, Dar sahib for one is big on engagement with rating agencies…”

“Engagement as in?”

“Well from cajoling to threats to…”

“Stop right there. Anyway my rating agency is registered in this country not in the US so I am pretty sure I am not going to make the transition from nobody to somebody.”

“Well Dar sahib and company…”

“Get your ground realities right my friend, it’s the Sharifs and company and Dar is part of the company.”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway my rating agency does not rate anyone’s financial standing and assess the issuer’s aptitude to make debt payments but someone who will rate the merits and demerits of personalities…”

“That could be up for libel.”

“I don’t see why? If a rating agency can downgrade our rating without consultations with us, as Dar sahib said about the two rating agencies that downgraded our ranking soon after he took over the finance portfolio, then I don’t see why my rating will be liable to libel…”

“Don’t be facetious. Anyway who amongst our life long leaders of the three national political parties the handsomest?”

“Undoubtedly The Khan.”

“Maryam has taken appropriate measures to beat him…and, and, wait, even Gandapur said she is beautiful, and that was before her present trip to UK…”

“Oh shush, besides she isn’t a national leader yet! And for that to happen we have to wait till daddy is no more.”

“OK so who is the most politically astute?”

“Zardari sahib is the lord of reconciliation even with one’s previously declared enemies, Nawaz Sharif is the king of selecting the wrong chief of army staff for himself and The Khan is the undisputed king of the narrative which means two out of two for him.”

“Who has the most patience for everything comes to those who wait right?”

“All three exhibit patience with a sell by date – now for The khan the sell by date is perhaps less than 24 hours, for Nawaz Sharif it may be till election time and for Zardari sahib it is what it is.”

“Don’t be facetious.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022