PARTLY FACETIOUS: Identifying the uniting factor

“Pakistan is in desperate need of a uniting factor.”

“That would be cricket – the only uniting factor in this country today. Why are you laughing?”

“Well, The Khan epitomized a uniting factor when he played cricket, and instead of bringing his experience in cricket to politics he is now considered a major divisive…”

“Ah yes, from one end to the other in one life time, who else has achieved…”

“Don’t be facetious, anyway my proposal is to hold a cricket match between The Khan’s party and the eleven party coalition government…”

“Which amongst the eleven will select the wicket keeper?”

“Mian sahib in London.”

“But he won’t be playing himself…”

“Let’s just say he is likely to be the Ramiz Raja of the eleven parties.”

“OK and I guess The Rana will be the Long Off fielder, the one near the boundary line…”

“And what if The Khan plays the ball towards Long On where Maryam Nawaz is fielding.”

“Oh she will be allowed special assistants so Parvez Rashid, Talal Chaudhary.”

“Don’t be facetious and where is the PPP in your match?”

“Mainly spin bowlers, and the Maulana will have the slip position to catch the ball. Prime Minister Shahbaz Sharif will not be playing because of his bad back and Bilawal will follow suit.”

“OK and I assume The Khan would be an all-rounder in his team?”

“Right, Fawad Chaudhary will be the wicket keeper, Murad Saeed will have the slip position, and the…”

“What about Sheikh Rashid?”

“Reserve.”

“Oh so waiting on the benches for someone to be injured?”

“No waiting on the benches for the tea break and…”

“It’s a T20 match silly not a test match.”

“Oh well, then I guess just sitting and talking to anyone passing by…”

“And if no one is passing by?”

“Then talking to himself, anyway Shah Mehmud Qureshi will be in the gully position, and Asad Umar Third Man so The Khan can keep an eye out…”

“Don’t be facetious and the most important question of all who will be the umpire?”

“That will be telling.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022