PARTLY FACETIOUS: Starmer trying to introduce a new democracy principle

“There is a new democracy principle.”

“If you are referring to the Land of the Pure let me just tell you that we have one of the most stable administrations we have ever had….”

“But, but….”

“Don’t splutter, is there any, and I emphasize this word, any threat to the current dispensation from anywhere – be it from Adiala Jail or from the Duchessa, and before you ask I am referring to the Third Wife with serious powers.”

“Mussolini referred to as Il Duce was not known for upholding democratic principles so you reckon our local Duchessa….”

“I have only one thing to say about her: the administration must allow the Duchessa daily meetings with the Man Who Must Remain Nameless, Faceless and Voiceless because that would be like…like…”

“If the administration is a plant then it would be like watering the plant right?”

“Right.”

“What type of plant is it? Cactus the hardy, roses the pretty….”

“Shhh anyway when I said there is a new democracy principle I was not referring to Pakistan. I was referring to the UK Prime Minister’s speech begging the party to not please kick him out. Now I ask you is that even possible in our country!”

“No all our party leaders, well at least from our three national parties, have done a stint in jail, yes some more than others, and yet they are like a cork – nothing sinks them in their own parties.”

“A cork is porous.”

“OK anyway Starmer is trying to introduce a new democracy principle: you can lose local government elections after two years in power, not a small amount of time, that indicate you have seriously angered the British, and here is the crunch, you give a speech – a honeymoon period is how we call it here – where you promise the same-o, same-o with a passion that reeks of….”

“Desperation.”

“You remember Nawaz Sharif’s refrain mujhe kyon nikala (why did you kick me out)….”

“So not desperation?”

“More like righteous indignation coupled with pledges to deliver the same o same-o.”

“Shouldn’t he just call general elections?”

“You really aren’t a politician! Do you think Starmer will be resurrected like our party leaders?!”

“No I don’t, and not because he is not going to jail, like our leaders do, but because the party is bigger than the individual.”

“We have the concept of the founder, they don’t.”

“But Zardari sahib….”

“He has the signed will of his wife and his children – Starmer has neither.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2026