What nonsense! This word is most often used when confronted with the vagaries of life. Most people feel that life somehow always turns out to be different from what we plan; people behave in the most unexpected manner; events and circumstances keep on slipping in the wrong direction; luck seems to be deserting just when needed most. These are the most frequently expressed moans and groans people make in all spheres of life. When things don't go our way we feel betrayed, helpless, and frustrated. Most of us question why these things are happening to us, what have we done wrong, why did it have to happen at this juncture. In short very little makes sense. The natural reaction is that life is not fair, luck is unfaithful and people are weird.
The fact that life is going to be different from what we may plan at any stage of life is a given. What we don't realize is that nearly everybody gets their share of events, people and circumstances that one is not prepared for. This lack of understanding creates a comparison and non-tolerant mindset. This is a mindset where a constant comparison is made with what others have and what we don't have and where the seemingly easy life of others becomes a standard of living. This comparison creates feeling of envy, jealousy and anxiety that creates more negativity. In such a state of mind the good things happening in one's life also become trivial and ingratitude results. These prevent the mindset to grow and see things differently resulting in non-tolerance to changes in life and an inability to cope with them.
This is a vicious circle of pessimism and victimism that will result in more misery and unhappiness. Often such individuals become defensive and reactive at the least and depressive and destructive at the most. There are many medical, psychiatric and psychological treatments available for extreme behavior to create more balance in their approach. However, often the solution, especially to the habitual sour luck cribbers may lie on practicing something which is very uncommon, ie common sense. To have sense and sensibility may be a tall order but is definitely more viable and doable than becoming dependent on external specialists or medicines that will have its own side effects. Let us look at some internal common ways of coping with the abnormalities of life.
1. Focus on what you can rather than what you can't: As we have maintained that nearly everybody has a story inside them of tragedies, deprivation and bad luck. However some people show, tell, feel and let it drive and dominate their life while others accept and try to cope and move on. If we constantly think, fret, worry, regret what could have happened had these issues not happened and resent what is not happening we will constantly kill our own potential of finding alternatives and moving our life forward. This mental suicide is the biggest reason why people don't progress. There are many people you see who are 50 years old but died at the age of 25 years. They live in the past and want to somehow undo it at the expense of living in the present and thinking forward. Thus the first thing is, Switch your thoughts to "it happened now what do I need to plan, prepare and activate for a different future". Helen Keller who was born with extreme bad fortune in being deaf and blind coped with it with this approach "Never let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do".
2. Focus on the small not the big: Most of us dream big which is fine and should be. However having big dreams doesn't mean that all events in life will be world changing. We have to think and act smart where we see how taking small doable steps can make a big difference. Many times our core relationships are in despair, our main stakeholders are annoyed, our key circle of influencers are indifferent and we are constantly feeling frustrated by thinking if only I had more money, more budget, more authority or more time. This thought of wanting a drastic change will only result in drastic disappointment. Sometimes it is just a nicely worded SMS message to a key personal relationship that does wonders; sometimes it is a more carefully done email and personal appearance that make the stakeholders start considering you differently; sometimes it is a courteous call on a key influencer that breaks the ice. As they say the secret to the big is the small. Thus think about what are the many small things that you have ignored in pursuit of bigger things that you can employ to initiate change.
3. Focus on balance in personal and professional: The biggest gripe nearly everybody has is work life imbalance. The main culprit is lack of time. True. But again there are people who manage and there are people who don't. The first understanding is that it is not about managing time it is about managing yourself. You need to understand what are the top 5 priorities of your life. Write them down and number them according to importance. Then make yourself accountable to them by scheduling them in your calendar. What we normally do is that we schedule professional tasks but not personal tasks. Just ask yourself why we schedule professional tasks? Would they happen if they are not written, reminded and followedup. No. Then how can personal or any other activities happen if we don't schedule them. It is this little ritual of taking the same professional approach to scheduling personal and professional that will balance work with life.
In life the 3Cs are constant, Change, Challenge and Choice. As we go through various changes in life our challenges compound and as our challenges also compound the issues in life. That is the time that we have to make choices and decisions that do we want to become a source of pity or a source of inspiration. All people who have become inspirational were not so because of great luck and circumstance, rather it was their ability to cope with impossible conditions through simple, continuous, investments in the most common principles of life that made them the legends they became; time to make the uncommon commonsense more common.
(The writer can be reached at [email protected])
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