Feedback: it’s almost a catch-22

Have to. Should I. Not fair. Tough but. Too early. Too late. Too personal. Too vague. Too much. These are some hesitant beginnings the minute the word “feedback” is mentioned. In organisations the time for annual appraisals is considered a dreaded time. This is the time for decisions. Decisions about performance. Decisions about behaviour. Decisions about skills. Decisions about achievements.

Decisions about promotions. Decisions about removals. Decisions about rejections. All of this means that somebody is going to be giving the news good and bad. All of this means that somebody is going to be receiving news good and bad. Many times the giver is tentative. Many times the receiver is apprehensive. These are uncomfortable emotions. These can make the experience nervous and reactive. That reactivity may kill the goose of feedback. That reactivity may affect the career of both the giver and the taker.

Feedback is the “f” letter or word. They say most feedback results in the 3 Fs: fright, fight and flight. This is unfortunate. Feedback is as necessary for growth as is blood circulation to the body. Without feedback the person cannot grow and without blood circulation the body muscles erode. If it is so integral to growth, why is it this uneasy, uncomfortable, unwanted ritual that is limited to the end of the year appraisals?

Most people associate feedback with an opportunity for the giver to give them “a piece of their mind”. Their previous experiences have made their brain ready for the threat of being told off. People’s defense mechanism is spurred when they anticipate being reprimanded.

The brain activates the amygdala. It is the brain’s “fear center,” and is responsible for processing threats and anxiety. When we receive negative feedback, the brain releases cortisol, a stress hormone associated with our fight-or-flight response. This obviously makes it a very unpleasant memory in the brain triggering off anxiety every time the word feedback is mentioned.

Imagine a world without feedback. Imagine a workplace without feedback. It is feedback that is the core of improvement, of innovation, of growth, of development, of progress. It has assumed a catch-22 situation of ‘to do or not to do’. Fortunately, the ‘not to’ is not possible. ‘To do’ is an imperative. The dilemma is that when done badly, which is in most cases, it becomes counterproductive. Let us see how to do it, yet not make it a bad experience, and also get people to commit with their own choice:

1. Plan, prepare, paraphrase— Feedback should be a very planned, written down process. The first thing is to have a template planner where the first question should be: “What is the objective that I need to achieve at the end of the session”? Normally, feedback sessions become random conversations without purpose. Writing down the end objective will make the session more purposeful.

Secondly, the plan must provide structure to opening area of feedback and closing. The key phrases to be used must be written down as well. The areas that need to be highlighted along with what impact they will have if achieved or not also need to be part of the preparation written plan. The more these things are thought through and inked the more they will be part of the session. With just a desperate need to put your point across the session will become retaliatory and futile.

2. Give it on time and frequently— Another important element is to give feedback frequently and not wait for the end of the quarter or the year. Weekly quick chats to discuss some warning signs and then a proper 1 to 1 end of the month would be excellent. With such regularity, feedback will become a norm that is reviewing progress before it is too late. The employee might still not look forward to it but will not be surprised if at the end of the quarter he is found wanting.

3. Make it specific and factual— This is the most important part. Never let the feedback get into name calling and labelling like “you made a mess of the presentation in front of the customer”. Instead, give specific examples like “I observed that the presentation did not cover the important points of cost justification and value proposition. That is why customers looked unconvinced”.

That is factual and specific. That will make it less personal and more problem focused. If a person is late in meetings, take this attendance sheet and point the number of days and the hours he is late instead of saying “you are a shirker and storyteller”. These are facts that are hard to deny and will make the discussion more solution oriented than just a blame game.

4. Make it doable and impactful— Feedback style should not be in just highlighting the problem but in also creating practical steps to fill in the gaps identified. That means the next steps need to be mutually agreed upon. That means the receiver has to make certain commitments to work on them. That means the progress has to have a review plan.

That means an accountability needs to be framed of what it means if done and what it means if not done. The giver must measurably explain how not doing has impacted the results. For example, if his poor presentation made the customer go away, how much it is in lost account basis and how it has dented his and company’s sales targets.

5. Develop a coaching style rather than a critical style— The most important thing is to adopt a coaching style. Coaching style means let him talk too. Coaching style means instead of telling him something reframe it in a question. Instead of saying “you will never achieve this target”, ask him “how do you think we can get these customers back and achieve these targets”. Let him come up with recommendations. When he suggests, he will own it.

Also use acknowledgement of his or her past achievements to create a motivation to improve. Instead of saying “this is it, either you do it or you will be done with”, talk about “last year you won over very difficult customers for us, how can we use that experience to help us this year”.

We are what we are due to feedback, from parents, from teachers, from friends, from leaders. Take all of that away and we will be living but mentally and emotionally stunted.

The hallmarks of those feedbacks was trust on the spot, frequent and with accountability. That is what is needed in professional feedbacks. Would any football or cricket player ever become a superstar without feedback? As Ken Blanchard says “Feedback is the breakfast of Champions”.

Copyright Business Recorder, 2025