People are strange. I am socially awkward. I want “me” time. I am a private person. Wish I was an extrovert. These are some comments that we hear from people of all ages who avoid connecting to others. Fine. Everybody has their own personal tendencies, and these tendencies colour their behaviour and attitude.
The fact of the matter is that whatever the tendencies, the need for connecting at many levels and at many stages of life is ingrained in humans. Many categories of personality types are now popular, like MBTI types, but their origins belong to the psychologist Carl Jung’s basic categorization. He described these personality types in the early 1900s.
The theory was that the main difference between people is between the source and direction of their expression of energy. He suggested that two contrasting personality types, introverts versus extroverts, existed.
In general, it is said that an introvert is energized by being alone and prefers smaller groups of people, while an extrovert is energized by being around people. The introvert tendencies include keeping emotions to themselves and more on the avoidance confrontation style. Extroverts are more expressive and risk taking etc.
Most categorizations are inexact. However, the main component is the ability of people to connect with other people, especially who are different to you in person and in background.
The ability to connect to people is a key requirement to lead a healthier life. Humans are social animals. Sometimes the animal part takes over the human part. However, the fact of the matter is that social connectivity is a brain, body, heart and soul requirement. The human brain is all about connections.
Medical science supports this. Each time we genuinely connect with another person, we release the pleasure-inducing hormone oxytocin into the bloodstream, which reduces anxiety and improves concentration and focus. When some of these connections are missing, the brain functions become rusty and suboptimal. Having a healthy social circle is reinvigorating.
Research shows that strong social connections increase the chances of longevity, a stronger immune system, and faster recoveries from disease.
When you feel more connected to others, you are less vulnerable to anxiety and depression and have higher self-esteem, empathy, and trust toward others. In other words, meaningful relationships generate a positive social, emotional, and physical well-being spiral.
On the other hand, lack of social connectedness makes people more prone to suffer a decline in physical and psychological health. The best example of this is the relative health of retired people. Those who keep their activities and social groups outside the family as well post-retirement are much more likely to be active and happier compared to those who seem to limit themselves to their house and family. Social connectivity is not just a social buzzword, it is a matter of being alive or being a living dead.
Forming and maintaining social connectivity should be an intentional proactive effort that needs to focus on:
- Finding mutually shared activities— At all ages and at all stages, seek to connect. The Generation Z is highly dynamic and smart. They know more than their parents. What they really are missing is the ability to connect outside their comfort groups. The social media has made them unsocial. They are more comfortable with the virtual than with the real. This has created a dissatisfaction/unhappiness pandemic.
Many are seeking therapy for depression and anxiety. Their ability to stay in jobs has become a serious concern. Their ability to stay in relationships has become a chronic issue. The solution to this is an active, intentional drive to develop a diverse social circle. Join groups of people who like the same games, or are pro IT, etc.
In jobs, find colleagues who can be your gym or swim buddies. The impact of joining and sharing activities is remarkable. The 2017 research on Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience studied this idea using brain imaging to see how synchronized brain activity in shared tasks influences social bonds.
Researchers found that when two people worked together on a task, their brains showed remarkable synchronization.
Specifically, an area of the brain linked to understanding others lit up, suggesting they were mentally in sync with each other. This created a bond that lasted much beyond the activity and helped develop positive results in terms of effort, support and more satisfaction. From walking together to cooking a meal together, togetherness is a key to happiness.
- Seeking support and advice— The most underrated social connectivity dot is to become a mentee of some people you aspire to be connected with. This is a great way of broadening your circle to include people of a more experienced background. This creates an excellent bonding relationship where the mentor feels invested in the development and well-being of the mentee. This creates a give and take balance that is very fulfilling for both the mentor and mentee.
The sense of dependence and the act of helping are mutually reinforcing. The mentee asking for help appreciates the support and the mentor giving it feels a sense of importance and appreciation, which creates a stronger emotional bond. It does not always have to be a senior, junior relationship. Asking a friend to review your CV or a something you have written can bring you closer.
Sometimes it is as trivial as seeking advice on choosing an outfit for a presentation or a linen colour for your sofa in the sitting room. The fact that you are consulting, and thanking people, is a great way of making people feel included and important. Such friendships are not time-consuming yet important as they nurture the inherent human ability to give and take.
- Learn, share and celebrate together— One of the best ways to create a shared bond is to experience something together. Maybe it is as significant as going on a hiking trip together or as normal as joining an online short course together, the fact of experiencing it mutually is invaluable. In today’s world of WhatsApp/Facebook connectivity, the ability to reconnect with the remotest of friends is a treasure of joining the lost dots.
Childhood faces you have never seen for decades become available. There is always somebody reliving the gold old times. There is somebody always who has surprised everybody with their achievements. There is somebody always with stories that echo your own life. Seek, share, commiserate and celebrate.
Covid-19 was a great reminder of how non connectivity is such a big killer. The mother of a friend when reprimanded for going out in COVID-19 said very emphatically “I would rather die of COVID-19 than of loneliness”. No amount of funny, interesting and addictive social media reels can substitute eyes that lit up on a bonding meeting or the warmth of a hug that sparks every human cell in you.
Copyright Business Recorder, 2025
The writer is a columnist, consultant, coach, and an analyst and can be reached at [email protected]
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