In the Karachi calendar winter is the wedding season. The season was at its peak the moment the worst of summer was over, probably because the month of Muharrum also occupied winter period. However, since a number of bridegrooms and some brides come from abroad for their wedding, this year there was a lull for only the ten days of mourning.
As one gets old attending weddings nearly every day becomes exhausting both gastronomically and physically, yet as one gets older the number of weddings one simply must attend increases. The children and grandchildren of family and friends are getting married. To avoid attending these weddings is to court unforgivable resentment. None of the excuses one makes to avoid weddings of the children of colleagues, casual acquaintances and business contacts work when your host knows you personally and intimately. You cannot say you could not come because mother suddenly fell down, because they know mother. You cannot say you yourself are ill because you will be practically ordered to come and rest in the house and not make a useless fuss. Family and close friends have no sympathy.
Close friends are worse than family and behave as if they were martial law administrators. They expect you to attend not only the nikah and valima but the numerous dholkis and the milad. They don't care if you are too old to sing and dance at the dholkis; and they don't believe you when you claim you have temporarily become an atheist and will not come to the milad. They will drag you from your death bed and force you to attend, that is how cruel close friends can be.
The entire city is groaning under the weight of inflation and continuous price hikes of essential goods, but there is a silver lining to this dark cloud. There is perforce a reduction in the lavish expenditure on weddings. Weddings in affluent families are still very showy but they are not the blatant display of wealth that had made weddings look like a three-ring circus with crowds jostling and pushing you about. Gone are the days when the weddings looked like the marriages of the children of rajas and nawabs.
The middle - class aped the affluent class and also pretended they were descended from royalty. Not any more. Middle - class good sense has prevailed thanks to the financial crunch. The weddings are elegant. None of the essentials that make weddings is ignored. There is a grand elegant tent, a stage for the bride and groom, good lighting and great dinner spread, but nothing is overdone simply to keep up with the affluent Joneses.
The rich and middle - class used to judge the success of their affairs by the number of people who attended. Most of the guests looked like they were invited simply to increase the crowd. Not anymore. There are still too many people at weddings in affluent families, but it is plain to see that each guest is genuine. Previously the crowds were so thick it was impossible to find people you wanted to meet as they were hard to locate in the crush. Now it is possible to move from one end of the tent and even spot from afar the people you want to greet as the crowds have thinned.
Wedding halls are not doing good business this season because the price they are charging for hire of the halls is exorbitant. It is so high that one could easily hold a second wedding with the money. This season the majority of weddings I have attended so far have been on open plots in residential areas. Permission has to be taken for using open plots as wedding venues, but the price one pays for the permit is nominal.
Another trend I noticed is that fewer gifts were given by the invitees. Most guests gave a money envelope. Gift-giving is becoming obsolete because most newlyweds already have everything they will need. Also, the number of expats has increased and the bride and groom will leave the country and make their home abroad, mostly in the Emirates and America. They are not likely to cart gifts back with them.
At one wedding, while we were waiting for other guest, the mother of the bridegroom, my friend, complained that the bride's family had sent a refrigerator, a bedroom set and other items of traditional jahez (dowery). What was to be done with these things, she wondered, since the newly weds would be living in Dubai and already had a furnished apartment.
She was practically angry that she would have to house this useless dowery. I smiled inwardly as this was the first time I had met the mother of a bridegroom who did not ask or an her daughter-in-law to bring a jahez. The days when social workers used to campaign against mere display of jahez ended atleast a generation ago. Now the actual, unnecessary expenditure on jehaz incurred by the bride's parents is definitely on the way out.
On the other hand the amount to be paid as dowery has increased and in most cases it is to be given in gold or foreign exchange. Another trend is that the actual amount is not announced publically by the Nikah Khawan who reads the nikah. At best he says "The amount agreed as dowery (meher)."
Thanks again to something bad that has yielded something good, real jewels are not generally worn either by the guests or the bride. The fear of dacoity, not only at wedding venues but of people going home from weddings is considerably reduced. However, at weddings of affluent families where a lot of real jewellery is worn by the bride, it is not uncommon to see an are med guard near the bridal stage. Some prefer the guards to be in plain clothes without making any show of weaponry, but their body language tells you who they are.
The twelve midnight cut-off time for all weddings has also been a boon. It was introduced to save electricity. The police; made the order effective by simply spiriting away the bridegroom if the wedding went on beyond midnight. Nowadays if there is any chance the wedding might go on even five minutes beyond midnight the groom is quietly sent home in an undecorated vehicle.
So the new trends are all for the best, don't you think?
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