PARTLY FACETIOUS: Five-point peace initiative a non-starter?
“One question: if the other side is angered and is refusing to deal then what is the best course of action?”
“The Iranians have major trust issues. Witkoff and Kushner, two real estate magnates, have as exemplary a successful track record as negotiators between countries…as…as our Deputy Foreign Minister.”
“I wasn’t aware we had a deputy foreign minister. We have a deputy prime minister, 11 ministers of state who I suppose you could refer to as the deputy to full-time federal ministers.”
“How many federal ministers to ministers of state?”
“Some federal ministers have the status and not the portfolio if you know what I mean. But to answer your question apart from the prime minister and deputy prime minister there are 30 other federal ministers which gives the ratio 30:11 or in percentage terms 37 percent of federal ministers have a deputy.”
“Hmmmm anyway perhaps we should send our real estate magnate to provide some training to Witkoff and Kushner on how to correctly negotiate between states.”
“Isn’t he in exile? Besides, I know he and his son are banned from entry into the UK, there was the matter of a corruption matter that was unearthed and acknowledged by them, but perhaps even the US…”
“Don’t know, but the guy is in Dubai, and I am not sure if he can get a flight out.”
“Don’t be facetious. But anyway our Deputy Prime Minister was appropriately briefed before he went to China on the invitation of the Chinese and a five-point peace initiative has been released that perhaps is a non-starter as immediate ceasefire may not be acceptable to at least two of the protagonists – Iran and Israel.”
“China has much weight, much more than the three countries emissaries who came this weekend and cut short their visits by a day and left the same day…”
“Did the Deputy Prime Minister inadvertently…”
“He followed instructions to the letter, but I guess the guests thought that we are acting as a post office and as we all know with the advent of the communication revolution post offices are becoming redundant…”
“I would have you know that we have a federal minister in charge of our post office and his name is Aleem Khan…”
“Another real estate magnate right? A man that the Man Who Must Remain Nameless and Faceless…”
“That category, that of being Nameless, is becoming relevant. Didn’t President Trump say that he isn’t going to name the negotiator…?”
“You are bad! But anyway going back to what action to take if the other side is angered I would go to the UK route – send the King and his wife for an official visit to the US…”
“But President Trump during his recent official visit to the UK clearly showed a preference for the Princess of Wales.”
“Well you can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
“Hmmmm.”
Copyright Business Recorder, 2026