PARTLY FACETIOUS: A case of attempted political suicide?

“Can you itemize the unnatural ways of dying for me?”

“That’s rather a macabre subject this early in the morning.”

“Bear with me.”

“Well literally death is the end of life and I, for one, do not itemize how can I put it, defining an unnatural death as subjecting someone to a position where he or she is not his or her usual self.”

“Are you referring to mental or physical torture? Because the Punjab Information Minister says that The Man Who Must Remain Nameless and Faceless is suffering a mental breakdown due to his over two-year incarceration – a time period that her own party leaders never…”

“Yes I was.”

“Well, scrap that, our legal system does not allow for a case to be made against the state on that basis. A murderer in my book must be punished, though there are cases where a good lawyer can get his client off.”

“But when a state commits murder, it can claim self-defence and get away with it.”

“Or collateral damage.”

“Right, you can now refer to it as Western values, I mean Israel is…”

“Yeah, OK so what other form of unnatural death is there?”

“Suicide though it is a sin in all Abrahamic religions – be it Judaism, Christianity, or Islam.”

“Correct, so some commonality between the three.”

“Yes, but suicide is killing one self, so the state is not involved, so there is no….no…”

“Collective responsibility?”

“Yes anyway, unlike murder, suicide may not always lead to death.”

“There is also attempted murder, attempted suicide, but the intent is there in both cases.”

“No, no, I am referring to a specific form of suicide that is kind of rampant in Pakistan.”

“I know that one: political suicide.”

“Agreed, it is rampant only amongst politicians and does not include any other profession.”

“Well, a Chief Executive Officer can be axed, or a senior bureaucrat can be transferred to the boondocks or…”

“Right, but this happens only after a change of government right? I mean, the new batch comes with their own names and…”

“Our party leaders are rather averse to learning lessons: the Man Who Must Remain Nameless and Faceless appointed the Chief Election Commissioner and…”

“Hey, if you are going to get personal then didn’t Nawaz Sharif appoint…”

“OK. OK I concede.”

“And didn’t Benazir Bhutto misjudge Farooq Leghari, President Leghari and…”

“Alright, alright, time to move on.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2025