PARTLY FACETIOUS: A conspiracy theory

“Arsenic, arsenic, everywhere but never a drop for the needy.”

“Excuse me? Arsenic as in needy.”

“I am not sure about whether there is any debate in Pakistan but assisted suicide…”

“Stop it right there! Our murder rate may be very high, torture victims, the number of disappeared maybe the highest in the world but assisted suicide is a no no.”

“We are also sticklers for the executive issuing notifications for key appointments in the judiciary, the civilian and military establishments but once issued the appointee takes a back seat to the appointed and…”

“Back seat? Really! I would have thought go on a different vehicle.”

“Don’t be facetious besides we must appreciate the Nawala League for setting a notification precedence in their party – I mean before we would just hear someone has been declared as appointed in the position of chairman of the party…”

“Declared is the right word and the judicial appointee can declare the declaration as null and void and another individual be declared as the successor but…”

“Yep I get you. And yes Notification Maryam Nawaz is a landmark indeed but speaking of arsenic everywhere The Third Wife was declared by a Shaukat Khanum doctor as not being poisoned…”

“Perhaps too slowly for the doctor to…”

“No the doctor said no need for a blood test.”

“I have a conspiracy theory.”

“No I don’t think the doctor was a closet anti-Third Wife Khanzadeh – with a rather alarmingly growing membership and…”

“My conspiracy theory is that the same people who sent arsenic to the judges of the Islamabad High Court and to some of the Chief Justices sent it to The Third Wife – it’s just that as The Third Wife doesn’t know English well – remember she said that during one of her interactions with the…was it FIA or NAB or…”

“You are so full of it. You think the powder came with a card in English telling the recipient that the powder was arsenic!”

“No but perhaps her claim inspired someone to send it to the judges.”

“Don’t think so, arsenic powder has to be ingested to cause any damage and no one is going to receive powder in a letter and just swallow it thinking it’s…it’s from an old school hakeem.”

“So then the modus operandi is different – putting it in the Third Wife’s food and sending it in powder form.”

“That’s right – there goes my conspiracy theory.”

“Knowing you I am sure you will think of another.”

Copyright Business Recorder, 2024