PARTLY FACETIOUS: Our stakeholders know everything about everything
“I want to educate our stakeholders…” “Are you out of your mind? I will have you know; our stakeholders know everything about everything and…”
“OK, OK, calm down, I didn’t mean educate, I meant that I would like to bring it to their notice…”
“Thank you, but no, thank you, they notice all that is important to notice.”
“You are purposely misunderstanding me, so let me rephrase it again, how about I would like to humbly submit a proposal…”
“You know that expression, he said jump and the response was how high?”
“Yes of course, but I don’t see the relevance…”
“I have another expression: you say submit humbly, I say how much humbly.”
“Not sure, that is grammatically correct…”
“Red alert, red alert.”
“OK all I wanted to most humbly submit is that security should not entail shutting down a city by the liberal use of containers, and cement blocks but…”
“And digging trenches, that has been the contribution by the Brown Pope, a good performer in whatever he touches…”
“Right, security is about keeping everything open and safe.”
“I disagree, not in a country like ours where terror attacks have multiplied.”
“OK, but I wanted to most humbly submit to members of our executive and legislature that this focus on ease of doing business is a concept that was rightly abandoned by the World Bank…”
“I recall that this abandonment took place when the World Bank gave us an improved ease of doing business ranking when the large scale manufacturing sector plummeted as did growth and…”
“Look at the glass as half full: both the government and the Man Who Must Remain Nameless and Faceless when he was in power kept referring to this concept and claiming that we were improving on the index of ease of doing business that was no longer being compiled internationally…”
“Yep, there is agreement on this and all support Pakistan’s cricket team when it is playing.”
“Or not playing.”
“Don’t go into the metaphysical realm, we as a nation have a hard time just sticking to the literal, remember spirit as opposed to letter.”
“Right.”
Copyright Business Recorder, 2025
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