PARTLY FACETIOUS: Redefining democracy

“I would like to redefine democracy.”

“Are you crazy! Democracy is universally defined as for the people, of the people and by the people.”

“I know how it’s defined but you always say, you say tomato the US way and I say tomato the British way.”

“That’s just pronunciation that has evolved differently in the two countries divided by thousands and thousands of nautical miles and…”

“Masterpieces are no more than the shipwrecked flotsam of the mind so said Proust.”

“Great but it doesn’t advance your argument that…”

“Yes it does, flotsam is debris in the water that is not thrown in by…by…”

“By Pakistanis who in our quest to keep our space clean dispose of the debris all around us.”

“Don’t be facetious, anyway, flotsam is best defined as a ship wreck or something, so democracy in Pakistan is limited to general elections, there are not even meaningful elections within the party. Right?”

“Yes, because there is only the party leader who can get votes…”

“Dead or alive!”

“OK, but if dead then to get votes you have to be related.”

“Yep, so there are no party elections, the whim of the leader holds complete sway, and only if you can convince the leader of the rightness or wrongness of an action…”

“I get it, so where are you going with this thought?”

“Let me add one more element to the existing equation — if a party loses, it says rigging, pre-poll, during poll, or after polls, with help from the neutrals or without help, with…”

“I get it and don’t forget the deaths during elections, the injuries the…”

“Precisely, and add lack of money in the kitty today…”

“Right, I heard 470 billion rupees will be required to hold the next general elections and that would mean the super tax may have to be extended to 26 instead of the 13 sectors and…”

“Right, so your solution?”

“Define democracy not as the outcome of general elections but whose long march is the longest in terms of time, in terms of mileage…you know how many miles it spans…”

“What about how much traffic it disrupts and how many members of the general public are inconvenienced…”

“Yes and how many deaths due to failure to reach the hospital in time and…”

“And loss of revenue due to shut businesses.”

“There you go so get out there all you leaders and let us see whose march is the longest!”

Clap, clap, clap.

Copyright Business Recorder, 2022